The Comparison Game: Everybody Loses

In this day and age of Social Media, the Comparison Game is one with tons of players, especially among bloggers and influencers. If you aren’t a blogger, I’m sure you, or someone else you know, has felt a touch of the mean greens after reading someone’s FB status, or seeing photos of their tropical vacation! If you are a blogger, I’m sure you know who’s at the top: the bloggers that RewardStyle (LIKEtoKNOW.it), ShopStyle, and Revolve are always spotlighting, and the women who get the huge collaborations and campaigns. As much as I want my blog to grow, and grant me those same opportunities, I’ve learned that I can’t compare my life, my journey, and my goals with anyone else’s! Read on for my tips for quitting the Comparison Game.

Be Original in pink font

It can be easy to look at the top bloggers and try to replicate what they are doing, because clearly, they’ve found the magic formula for success, and it’s working for them. But for me (and I always try to be open about my point of view) I’ve come to realize that I can’t compete with those top bloggers. I’m short, I’m African American, and I’m full figured…and that’s ok! My favorite blogger is Emily Ann Gemma, and although I sometimes draw inspiration from her for my photos, (#frontseatsituation anybody?) I cannot try to pattern my blog or IG feed after hers. She has her own fan base, and it’s full of girls who more than likely share her aesthetic, appreciate her aspirational images, share her disposable income and style, or who are just masters at pulling off her look. People who are drawn to her wouldn’t likely be drawn to me, and again…that’s ok! I now understand that for every adjective I used to describe myself earlier (short, full figured), there are sooo many girls that are just like me, who are looking for someone to inspire them, and who are looking to see how clothes and trends would look on them. And this my friends, is the coolest thing about blogging: you can find your niche and your audience, and inspire people who are moreso like you, than those bloggers at the top!

Show You Style in pink font

Another one of my favorite bloggers, Maria Vizuete, always looks fantastic in everything she wears, and I think this is why she is so successful! When she takes a blog photo, or an IG photo, I immediately want to rush out and buy what she’s wearing, because it looks so phenomenal on her! But if I were to buy it, it wouldn’t look the same on me as it does on her, and that’s why it’s important to embrace our differences! People enjoy seeing the aspirational images of thin and perfectly polished bloggers, but they also want to see how clothing looks on women who don’t have perfect bodies, or money for tons of accessories and designer handbags to complete the look.

My recent blog posts featured a pair of Over The Knee boots, and I got so many emails from women telling me that I inspired them to purchase their first pair, because until they saw me wearing them, they didn’t think they could pull them off because they felt that their legs were too short, or they didn’t feel thin enough! Because I embrace being short and pudgy (LOL) I’m able to reach an audience of women who are otherwise afraid to try trends, due to their body types.

I’m on Instagram all day, so I’m always seeing people’s fabulous vacations, their magazine worthy photo shoots, and their perfectly curled hair. Meanwhile, I’m sitting in my house like:

Key & Peele Pizza Order

But in all seriousness, the one thing I’ve learned so far in my blogging journey, is that image is often not reality! For my day job, I’m a Child Protective Services Investigator, and the nature of the job often requires me to keep irregular hours. I do NOT wear makeup to work, and I don’t put much thought into what I’m wearing. LOL. Many times I come home from work, slap some makeup on in 10 minutes, throw on a cute outfit that I’ve been waiting to wear, and take a photo. I then post the photo on social media like I’ve just been glam and fabulous all day! #lies. 😂 I’m pretty sure that this scenario is very likely for other bloggers as well.

It’s important to remember that social media is just giving you a highlight reel of someone’s life or day, and not the full story. Sure, someone may post photos of the fabulous resort they are staying in, but what they may not be telling you is that they had to sit through a 5 hour timeshare presentation, which is how they were able to take the trip in the first place! Or you may look at someone’s IG feed and see their new gorgeous photo, but what you aren’t seeing is the 450 photos that were deleted before settling on the one that made the cut!

Final Thoughts

How many times have you been out and about, only to be stopped by sometime who tells you that you “look sooo much like so and so?!” I can’t even put a number on the amount of times that I’ve been told that I look like someone’s sister, cousin, friend, etc! I’ve often joked with my family that God has had to create so many people, that at some point He probably made molds, which is why so many people look alike! 😂 At any given point, there could be a thousand other people with similar features, body types, and personality traits as your own! And those thousands of people are just waiting to hear from you, and read about your experiences! There is room for everyone’s specific point of view and unique style in blogging, so if you are playing the Comparison Game, go ahead and remove your token from the game board. Find your tribe, and start inspiring!

“Why fit in when you were born to stand out?” Quote

See you next time!

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Belk


About

Fashion, Lifestyle, and Travel blogger, based in NC.

32 comments

  1. Fantastic post!! This is SO true and a great reminder for all of us. I know I definitely post most things on Instagram way after the fact too (also while reheating pizza😀)…blogging life is much easier that way!
    Hannah recently posted…Winter Slow Cooker Series #3 — Country Style SteakMy Profile

  2. I’m Shametria a new blogger and I love this post. Thank you it’s really great to hear that other people feel the way I do and it’s true everyone is on their own journey! I found your blog via twitter and I’m so happy we follow one another. I am also short and full figured but girl we can rock anything we want!!!

  3. Yes, I just love this! I always try to stand out. I know my humor is a bit much for others, but you know, it’s ME. I will never change to fit in and I tell my kids the same. Being like everyone else is boring.
    Amber recently posted…Phone Rules For Tween GirlsMy Profile

  4. This was so great to read. It is super easy to get caught up in that comparison trap. It’s important to keep focus on individual whys and goals!

    xo Jen from http://www.styleinshape.com
    Jen Pilchak recently posted…#ONREPEAT: Three Pieces for WinterMy Profile

  5. I get a lot of crap about my instagram photos, but its because they aren’t staged. Toddlers don’t always sit still and show off their pretty dresses

  6. I’ve been struggling with this SO hard lately. I appreciate my voice and I know there are millions of other girls out there like me. I just need to be patient and understand that my audience will not only find me, but they’ll stick around for a long time.

    1. TheSuburbanSocialite

      I’m right there with you! And for me, it gets so frustrating when I see blogs that are so random (like, “the best green yarnballs for your kittens”), and it will have 50000 comments. LOL. But that just proves my point that there is an audience for everyone! You are right; it takes a lot of patience, but I’m prepared to wait! Thanks so much for reading!

  7. I love this! I was preparing to make a similar post!

    Briana
    https://beyoutifulbrunette.com/
    brianatrev recently posted…Nothing To Wear SyndromeMy Profile

    1. TheSuburbanSocialite

      Thanks! Be sure and let me know when you post yours, so I can read it!

  8. TheSuburbanSocialite

    I’m right there with you! And for me, it gets so frustrating when I see blogs that are so random (like, “the best green yarnballs for your kittens”), and it will have 50000 comments. LOL. But that just proves my point that there is an audience for everyone! You are right; it takes a lot of patience, but I’m prepared to wait! Thanks so much for reading!

  9. I loved this post! So true and relatable! I often compare to what others are doing and try to replicate but then realize it is not me and does not fit me. I should write about what i love and i know there is an audience for that

  10. I am so with you on this, it can be so easy to just fall into the crowd, you need to find what makes you stand out and what makes you different.

  11. I so love the “find your tribe” vibe! Do what you enjoy and do what you are good at. Being yourself can make a whole lot of difference.

  12. Oh gosh, I am so guilty of this! It’s gotten to the point where I have almost given up. Thank you for writing this, you have inspired me to continue on with my blogging journey!

  13. Great advice! Not only does this apply to bloggers but also just in everyday life! It’s important not to ever compare yourself to others as we are all so vastly different!

  14. Yeah I’ve honestly stopped comparing myself to others people. We each have our own paths and there’s no need to be like anyone else.
    Dee|| https://mydeedeesdiary.com

  15. I agree that it is so important to quit the comparison game and just focus on what makes you… well you.I did this throughout school and do it less now, but comparing yourself to others is unhealthy and can make you feel anxious, depressed or angry. If we focus on how we are unique and what makes us different it really does help us acknowledge that no matter how established or new you may be, there is always an audience out there that you can tap into. For example I rarely get featured by feeds like ‘Like To Know It’ because they tend to focus on monochromatic aesthetics and I am too colourful for them. But that is ok, I like being a colourful mermaid!
    Ana De-Jesus recently posted…Caitlyn JennerMy Profile

  16. I agree! You really have to be unique and original. You’ll stand out and it’s fun to be unique. Always don’t compare yourself to others. Always compete with yourself to improve.

  17. One thing I learned quite early on in my blogging life is never to compare my start to someone’s middle because most of it is not even real and for me its important to keep my individuality. Great post
    Anosa recently posted…Kutná Hora – Why it should be on your #BucketlistMy Profile

  18. I did a post about this subject because social media can definitely get you caught up in the comparison game. Best advice is just unfollow anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself 😉

    xo, Ilse
    http://www.livelearnluxeit.com
    Ilse recently posted…Sophisticated Jumpsuit For The Modern WomanMy Profile

  19. I can understand where you’re coming from about wanting to be like someone else because of how well things are going for them, but it will come for everyone at their own pace for those who are true to themselves and put it out there. This was a wonderful post to read, I can see how other bloggers would want to copy others or be like them but starting your own inspiration is better!

  20. I have been blogging for a little over 5 months and it has been great. I haven’t noticed this as much as I heard about it before I started. It was one of the reasons I put off blogging for years. , I’m a just a small fish in a big pond, finding joy in what I write and read. However, your points are great! It is so important for me to have my own voice and share my experiences with my readers.

  21. I absolutely love all of your tips! I think sometimes we all fall into this trap no matter how hard we try. I really enjoy your blog, and reading your perspective. We all want to be like someone else (every now and again) but it’s better to stay true to yourself and put original ideas out there. Otherwise, things would get boring! Great post, great blog and great attitude!

  22. These are all great tips. Social media is a huge part of what we would. When I first started blogging a friend of mine who is also a blogger gave me some very useful and beautiful- don’t compare your chapter one with someone else’s chapter ten.

  23. Another brilliant post about self care that I’ve read today! Wish I could pin that last quote image!
    I have been there & done that & now I’m really done with that! Peace out.

  24. This post gives really valuable thoughts for bloggers.It is always wise to build up your own personality without copying others.I blog while I have free time among other work and I concentrate on my content.Still I have good following.
    Amila recently posted…The Top 3 Benefits of Drinking Mineral WaterMy Profile

  25. It can be hard not comparing yourself to others especially when it is so competitive out there. I love how positive all your tips and tricks are for bloggers going through this as I can resonate with it so much. We have to force our train our thoughts so that they don’t travel down that road.

    http://www.nmdiaries.com

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  28. I always love all of your tips! I think sometimes we all fall into this trap no matter how hard we try. we have to force our train our thoughts so that they don’t travel down that road. I really like your ideas laser tag equipment very much, it can be so easy to just fall into the crowd, you need to find what makes you stand out and what makes you different.

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